The Hell Of Pain Versus The Heaven Of Understanding
Folks who suffer from pains such as Fibromyalgia, Arthritis, Sciatica, Migraines, Neuropathy, RSD, Restless Leg Syndrome, Carpal Tunnel, Cervical Pain, Thoracic Pain and Chronic Back Pains to name a few, have all been to the doctor, talked to family and friends and gotten THAT LOOK. If you haven’t been sidelined by your pain for more than a day then you probably don’t have a clue as to what THAT LOOK is like. No, you just go about your business like everything is normal with no additional weight on your shoulders while your spouse, friend, co-worker or family member is trying to find ways to save face and not seem like a whimp while the pain beats you down.
Once you’ve been hit by a Fibromyalgia, Sciatica, Arthritis or Back pain flareup, being a whimp isn’t really a choice you get to make. Being curled up in the fetal position sucking your thumb waiting for whatever medicine you took, whichever heating pad you turned on or however much ice you packed on you to start to numb the pain while your brain is trying to deal with the fact that you just let everybody around you down because THEY ALL ARE COUNTING ON YOU BUT THE PAIN HAS STOPPED YOU IN YOUR TRACKS. As if that isn’t enough your children don’t understand what you are going thru and you want to show them how strong you are but right now, if you had a diaper on, you’d probably be peeing in it. Then there’s your significant other, lover or spouse or all one in the same and they are looking at you like, oh brother, here we go. Are they hurting or they just don’t want to be bothered right now? Can they really be hurting that bad? And men, you know that there is this viscious rumor going around that men become big babies whenever the slightest thing is wrong with them and they need their wive’s to become their mommies for awhile and pamper them back to well being. Who started that rumor anyway? They need to have their tongue stapled to the roof of their mouth for a couple of hours….no, wait, they might just enjoy that pain more than expected.
OKay, so now you’res on to whatever group you want but to speed this painful process up, I’ll get to the point. Someody along the line is going to give you THAT LOOK. You know, the look like “are you kidding me”? “Are you REALLY hurting THAT bad?” “You’re STILL in pain?” “You haven’t found a way to deal with the pain yet?” You must be a WHIMP letting a little pain get you down.” “Look at me, I’m in pain and I’m still working.” Sound familiar? I”m sure it does to many of you. Oh, don’t get me wrong, most of the people who are “thinking” that won’t ever say it but there are a few who are going ot say it. If not directly to you, they will say it to somebody around you and you’ll eventually find out that’s how they are thinking. Folks, think what you want but Fibromyalgia, Arthritis, Chronic Back Pain, Migraines, Sciatica and other severe and chronic pains aint’ no joke.
I don’t begrudge anybody for what they “think”. We all have the right to “think” whatever we want to. It’s when the “thinking” goes beyond the mind and becomes actions such as “saying” that problems arise. If you’ve never suffered a severe pain flareup or severe injury that causes the kind of pain that stops you in your tracks, be wary of judging somebody who has or is suffering that pain. You never know when you might find yourself having something happen and being hit with a pain you didn’t know your body could create. Think about that “hero” at work who is always outdoing everybody and outlasting everyone. Remember that day when they went to bend over and their back gave out on them? Remember the crys of pain as they tried to straighten up and walk normally but couldn’t? How they ached and begged for somebody to get them to the doctor quickly? The look on their face? The anguish and the watery eyes as they tried to just motion for somebody to come over fast and help them before they collapsed on the floor? Yeah, that’s a look too but the only people who wil be giving them THAT LOOK will be those who haven’t felt that kind of pain or felt it so long ago that they forgot what it was like. Funny how we seem to do that at times aint’ it?
So, what is THAT LOOK? For some of us it’s the look in our children’s eyes when they are disapointed that we cant’ go out an play catch with them. Then it’s the other look our children get when they see their idea of superwoman or superman being stopped by something invisible as pain is. The look that the children have when they can’t help stop the pain and don’t understand why they can’t help make mommy or daddy better. Then the look from our already overworked co-workers as they wonder is this a ploy to get off early today? Or are they just trying to get out of work during the busy season? Or for some, it’s here we go again, having to cover for their ass at work while they lay around at home acting like they are hurting so much. Of course we can also get THAT LOOK from our spouses/significant others etc. What is it with you? You’ve been hurting so long now you ought to be used to it. I go on when I’m hurting why can’t you?
People can’t see pain so they have a hard time understanding it. From the outside, most chronic pain sufferers look “okay”. We aren’t always twisted up or bent over or whatever folks might expect a chronic pain sufferer to look like. Sometimes we can manage a smile or a laugh. We often times push ourselves too far and end up in even more pain as we try to have some semblance of a life. Believe this, if you find somebody is in pain and they are enduring the misfortune of being sidetracked/disabled by the pain, it’s no picnic and they didnt choose to be that way. I would be even money that they would trade places with you to be pain-less or pain-free in a heartbeat.
So, before you give somebody who is temporarily on the sidelines because of pain THAT LOOK, remember that they didn’t choose the pain, the pain chose them. We hope you never have to experience the pain that we do but we do want and need you to have a thorough understanding of what it is we live with. When that occurs, living in pain can be living in harmony with family, friends and associates once again. Until that day occurs, remember to keep THAT LOOK to yourself and upon unfortunate chance you suffer some serious pain that has you grabbing for the door handle and begging for a doctor we’ll remember to keep THAT LOOK to ourselves as well.
To all of us living a healthier, happier and less painful lifestyle.
V.Holland a.k.a. Chronic Pain Hero
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Thank you!
Blessings on you for articulating my lonely, unending place.
For grins & giggles, through my tears, I play the “Ok, God, Now” game. {Ok, God, Now you can stop this misery……}
It isn’t effective but it’s a distraction.
The angry part is that the fever which started my journey down this desolate path, when experienced by horses or dogs, would have resulted in a merciful euthanasia. As an uninsured American, I don’t even have recourse to a doctor or prescriptions.
And, a century ago, I would have been able to relieve this perpetual & ever-increasing pain at the local general store!
So, much for the War on Drugs!
Mary Elizabeth Nichols - July 28, 2008 at 3:25 pm